Yup! I've Had Enough

`Much of the social history of the Western world, over the past

three decades, has been a history

of replacing what worked with what sounded good.

-Thomas Sowell

I’ve been watching the American Presidential race with a sort of detached interest. It doesn’t directly affect me, I live in Canada but I do have a lot of American friends and it affects them and that concerns me. 

Politics in Canada is a blood sport that is only mitigated by the fact that we still have a line called “too far” that politicians cross at their peril. Apparently that line doesn’t exist in the United States.

The rhetoric and campaign advertising for this presidential race is beyond the pale. It is not just personal and vicious; it has become dishonest with flat out lies. How a candidate for the highest office in the nation could possibly believe that they will be respected upon election after their degrading performance during the election completely escapes me and I still can’t figure out how “the people” are served by this.

This isn’t leadership; it is like watching pigs fight in the mud over slop. It is disgusting and demeans the office to which both candidates aspire.

Apple And Foxconn - A Fabricated Scandal

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." -Winston Churchill


I stumbled across an interesting little sidebar tale shortly after posting my last article about the release of the latest Apple iPad. Someone on Twitter sent me a note that they were boycotting Apple products because of the Foxconn situation. Having never heard of Foxconn, my first thought was that Apple must be advertising on Fox News and the person who messaged me was opposed to that but I decided I should probably do some quick research just to confirm that and so I did.

More Of My Favourite Tweets

A week or so ago, I published a few of my favourite tweets from the preceding week and it proved to be fairly popular so I thought I’d share a few more with you. I enjoy Twitter. I’ve met a number of nice and interesting people, shared a few smiles and engaged in some challenging and often informative debates.

Many of the tweets are fairly routinely conversational, some are vulgar, some are spam (as I learned to my chagrin), some are promotional and some are political. Some, however, are just funnyThese are a few that made me smile and even laugh out loud over the past few days.

The Weekly Stupidity Awards: 04/11/2011

Time flies when you’re having fun doesn’t it? It seems like only a week ago we were compiling the Weekly Stupidity Awards and here we are again. Being a small organization comprised of my dog Jasper and I, we don’t have a lot of resources to travel the world in search of the stupid things that stupid people do but fortunately we don’t have to. Stupidity is all around us and even Jasper is starting to scratch his head at the abundance of it.

We came close to including Kim Kardashian’s pending divorce after only 72 days of being married but decided it wasn’t so much stupid as just somewhat precious. We also took a pass on the paternity issue now swirling around Justin Beiber. We’ll wait for the tests establishing whether or not he’s actually in puberty before commenting.

So, after hours of discussion, a couple of glasses of wine and a Milk Bone biscuit for Jasper, here’s this week’s awards for outstanding achievement in just being stupid. Congratulations to all of our winners.

Gold Award:  Man Calls 911 To Complain About Being Short-changed In Drug Deal

 It takes a special kind of stupid to commit a felony and then call for help from the police when it goes sour. Police in North Charleston arrested Dexter White after he called to report that he had paid his pusher $60 for crack but only got $20 worth of drugs. White complained that his dealer was refusing to give him back his $40 in change. While he may be stupid, White did have the presence of  mind to smoke the crack before calling the police.

 Silver Award:  Suicide Delayed Until After Playboy Publishes Lindsay Lohan Pictoral

In Calgary Canada, Jeffrey Knutson was pretty much set to end it all and head off to the next life until learning that Lindsay Lohan was going to appear in Playboy.”I had the pills on the table”, he said. “I was literally doing the final edits on my suicide note.” Apparently what stopped him from taking the leap was the news about Lohan showing up in his RSS feed while was looking up synonyms in an online Thesaurus for his suicide note. He may not be all that bright but he gets full marks for trying to be literate.

Knutson, a business analyst, had decided to end it all last Sunday after his fourth failed Internet date last month but it isn’t the first time he’s contemplated moving on. The last time he came close to committing suicide, he had to postpone it for the American Idol finals.

It gives you some understanding of why his Internet dates might not be working out for him, doesn’t it?

Bronze Award:  Man Makes Urine Deposit At ATM

After being told that he couldn’t purchase a money order at an RBC branch in Palm Coast, a man apparently urinated in a bank tube at the bank’s ATM. Another customer arrived sometime later and the urine spilled onto her and into her car. Sheriff’s deputies have indicated that the man became upset and complained about poor customer service after being told he couldn’t purchase the money order. The police are continuing their investigation.

I have issues with poor bank service but I’ve never considered depositing bodily fluids as an means to make my point. I have decided, however, to be more careful when making a withdrawal.

Honourable Mention:  A Warning Precaution To Would Be Drug Dealers.

If you forget to lock your cell phone you might get locked up.

Police in Hall County, Ga. Arrested an 18-year-old who "pocket-dialed" 911 while discussing a drug deal.It started when a 911 dispatcher received a call in which she heard several people discussing a pending drug deal. The police triangulated the cell phone signal and sent a deputy to the a local area restaurant. Upon arrival, the deputy was interviewing employees when the 911 dispatcher heard the deputy’s voice over the phone line. He quickly found and apprehended Daniel Moore after informing him that he had been on the phone with 911 for several minutes.

Honourable Mention:  Definition Of Human Rights Expanded

In Ottawa Canada, the occupy protest took on a new level of stupidity this week when protesters demanded free hydro and water services to their encampment. The demand was made in a media interview in which the protesters claimed electricity and water are human rights and it is illegal to deny them to anyone.  It makes you scratch your head that some day, these are the people who will be running the country. We’re we that stupid at that age? God! I hope not.

I'm keeping an eye on this because if the Occupy Ottawa group are successful, I'll be changing my name to Occupy and demanding free electricity and water service to my home.

And that’s it for another week. Have no fear, though, Jasper and I will continue to scour the world as we share some refreshment together to bring you more outstanding achievement by stupid people doing stupid things.

Hey…these Milk Bone things are quite good.

© 2011 Maggie's Bear
all rights reserved

The content of this article is the sole property of Maggie's Bear but a link to it may be shared by those who think it may be of interest to others

The Weekly Stupidity Awards: 28/10/2011

"Think of how stupid the average person is and realize that half of them

are stupider than that."-George Carlin

In a world that is constantly in motion and full of change, the one thing you can always count on is the stupid things that stupid people do. This week was no exception and I’m pleased to report that stupidity is not constrained by nationality. It is an equal opportunity employer. So sit back, grab a coffee because here we go with this week’s awards for outstanding achievement in stupidity.

Gold Award: Man Accused Of Bestiality

A man in Zimbabwe was arrested and charged with bestiality for having sex with a donkey. In court, he told the judge that he had hired a hooker who transformed herself into a donkey overnight and that he had no idea he was having sex with a donkey when he was arrested. It’s one thing to have sex with an ass and quite another to make an ass of yourself in court. The whole story kind of takes the concept of a piece of ass to a whole new place doesn’t it?

Silver Award: Couple Check Back Into Motel Room To Retrieve Crack

A couple in Florida were arrested by the police after they attempted to check back into the room they occupied the night before in order to retrieve the crack they had left in the room’s refrigerator. Unfortunately for the couple, the motel cleaning staff had already found the drugs and notified authorities who were waiting for the couple when they arrived. Next time, they should try tying a string around their finger and perhaps the other end to the bag of crack so they don’t forget it.

Bronze Award: Man Arrested For Trying To Turn Poop Into Gold

In the middle ages, alchemy was all the rage and wizards and others spent their lives trying to turn base metals into gold. Following in the grand tradition, a man in Northern Ireland tried to take it one step further with his plan to turn his own feces into gold. His scientific theory (and we use that term loosely) was that sufficient heat would turn poop into the precious metal and make him wealthy. He was arrested after causing $4,500 damage by placing his steaming raw material on a heater in his apartment. Some people just don’t know jackshit apparently.

Honourable Mention:  Birmingham Prison Loses Keys To Prisoner Cells

Just after privatizing the prison, the new security firm now running the prison lost the keys to prisoner’s cells. Nobody is sure how or why the keys went missing but they are clear that all of the prisoners remained locked in their cells. When the primary thing prisons do is lock people up, losing your one set of keys is a pretty strong signal  that just maybe you’re in the wrong business. Isn't it sort of like Dunkin Donuts not having any donuts?

Honourable Mention:  Shame On The Moon

A frightened man in Hertfordshire, England called 999 to report that bright lights were flashing and flying over his house.  He explained that the UFO was now hovering above his home and he was afraid for his safety. He called back shortly and with some embarrassment told the police emergency operator that he had been mistaken. It wasn’t a UFO after all, it was the moon.  Wait until he gets his first look at the Northern Lights.  That ought to send him into a tizzy.

Congratulations to all of this week’s winners, they have reassured us that regardless of how much change goes on in our world, stupidity is a constant fact of life. No matter what happens there will always be stupid people doing stupid things. God bless ‘em, they help to reassure most of us that our lives aren’t so bad after all.

Honest folks, we don't make this stuff up. We're not that clever.


© 2011 Maggie's Bear
all rights reserved
The content of this article is the sole property of Maggie's Bear but a link to it may be shared by those who think it may be of interest to others.

Weekly Stupidity Awards: For October 21, 2011

Welcome to the second issue of the Weekly Stupidity Awards. It's been a busy week for those who practice stupidity so selecting just those worthy of awards  and honourable mention was a bit of challenge. We persevered, however, and here are our choices for this week.

1. Gold Award: Regional Medical Officer of Health - Ottawa, Canada

Last Saturday, the Regional Medical Officer of Health for the City of Ottawa announced that there were thousands of patients and former patients that may have been infected by Hepatitis or HIV at a local area clinic over the past ten years. He declined to name the clinic which meant that most of the city spent the rest of the weekend worrying about whether it was the clinic they had visited and whether or not they might be infected.

On Monday, he held a press conference to identify the clinic and the doctor involved. He indicated that there was a minimal risk of infection and that all former patients were being contacted directly. Say what? Why did you make the announcement on Saturday then? What was the point of creating needless worry and concern? On Tuesday he held an interview with a local radio station in order to defend his actions by blaming jurisdictional conflicts. Now he is attempting to defend why it cost $750,000 to send out just over 6,000 registered letters to patients of the clinic.

2. Silver Award: Michele Bachman's Impersonation of Sarah Palin

It's hard to tell if it was the bright lights or just her own limitations catching up to her but Michele Bachman outdid herself at the week's GOP leadership debates in sin city. After first blaming Obama's immigration policies on the fact that  relatives of his had an immigration issue, she then  attacked the president for first putting the U.S. into Libya and "now Africa".  I may be wrong but it seems to me that if you want to be president of the most powerful country in the world, you should at least know that Libya is actually in Africa. It might be useful in the development of foreign policy.

But Ms Bachman is following along in the best Tea Party tradition of Sarah Palin who's knowledge of geography is only slightly better than Bachman's. But help is on the way. I understand the Tea Party is accepting donations to buy them both an atlas (no doubt one that involves crayons and pages to colour), so I'll be sending along a few dollars. I'm always happy to help in any way that I can.


3. Bronze Award: The Zombie-safe House Competition
Architects Southwest, an architecture firm in Louisiana has called for submissions from architects, designers and I suppose the idly creative for designs of a house capable of surviving an attack by the  undead. The top contender is the Zombie Ranch, a zombie-powered concept that has the humans living in a spiral housing system safely out of harm's way while zombies run around in circles below, on treadmills that power turbines that create power for the house.

It almost sounds like the perfect job for some of the Occupy protesters looking for a seasonal job over the winter once the snows hit and they're driven from the parks.by that first blast of Arctic air.

4.. Honourable Mention: Couple Have Sex While Sky Diving

A couple, in California, jumped out of a small plane last weekend and, as one report put it, copulated in mid-air. I admit that I spent a bit of time trying to figure out the logistics of that and finally came to the conclusion that it was a both daring and stupid. I don't actually have an issue with them having sex in the air and I acknowledge that I would have been too busy screaming as I plummeted to earth to pull it off. For me, the stupid part is that they did this to get the attention of shock-jock Howard Stern. What does it say about your life when you're willing to make an ass of yourself just to get a nod from someone like Stern. No word from Stern yet but it appears the couple were very successful in capturing the attention of the FAA who are investigating.

5. Honourable Mention: Kevorkian's Assisted Suicide Machine Up For Auction

Just in time for Christmas, the assisted suicide machine used by Jack Kevorkian also known as Dr. Death, is being offered for sale next week at an auction to be held in New York. It never ceases to amaze me at just how stupid a society can be and it doesn't get much stupider than auctioning off a homemade suicide machine. I suppose there are those who will think this makes the perfect Christmas present for someone who has everything. Certainly I can't think of anyone who would want to have this although I can think of a couple that I wouldn't mind have use it.

6. Honourable Mention: Actress Susan Sarandon Calls Pope A Nazi

Here we go again. Another celebrity only opening her mouth to change feet and further expose her own limitations. I'm not a Catholic and I'm certainly not a Nazi but I know the difference between the two. Nazis were an oppressive regime that rounded up millions, shipped them off to concentration camps where they were brutally enslaved and murdered. They started a world war that resulted in the deaths of more than 13 million people and were responsible for the destruction of most of Europe. For all it's faults, I don't recall the Catholic Church engaging in that kind of psychopathic behaviour.

Sarandon's comment, which was based on the fact the current Pope was for a brief time, a member of the Hitler Youth when he was a child, demonstrates that her knowledge of history is as deficient as her understanding of either the Catholic Church or Nazi Germany. Membership in the Hitler Youth was mandatory under the Nazis and the child who would later become Pope, didn't have a choice. Calling him a Nazi for something he was forced to do as a child is sort of like calling Sarah Palin an intellect because she read an article in People magazine once.

A Couple Of Runner-Ups
These stories came close to making the top 6 but there was just too much competition. Still, they deserve at least some mention for the level of stupidity they illustrate. Both stories come under the heading of Assault With A Friendly Weapon.

A woman in Chicago has been charged with domestic battery for attacking her husband by throwing cupcakes at him. The man called the police after a food fight got out of control. I'm not sure what the issue is here. Certainly, if my wife started throwing cupcakes at me (or chocolate chip cookies) the last thing I'd do is call the police. I'd be too busy eating.

A man in Arizona has been charged with assault after he licked the scraped knee of a woman he helped back to her feet following a fall. Apparently the man helped the woman back to her car, knelt down and began licking her knee and then tried to lick her face. I've heard of licking your own wounds but this goes a little over the edge.

And that's it for now. Another week of outstanding stupidity proving once more that we are going to need as many buses as we can get our hands on. (refer to Sept. post,"Get On The Bus")

© 2011 Maggie's Bear
all rights reserved
The content of this article is the sole property of Maggie's Bear but a link to it may be shared by those who think it may be of interest to others

The Weekly Stupidity Awards

Welcome to a new feature on A Bear's Rant, The Weekly Stupidity Awards. There's a lot going on out there including:  protests, elections and the debt crisis but underneath the issues we face, there just continues to be a wealth of stupidity taking place. I've decided to acknowledge some of the most accomplished stupidity with weekly awards. There is even a possibility of a Stupidity Hall of Fame in the not too distant future but for now, we'll just hand out awards each week.

I encounter stupidity every day when I'm out and about. I encounter it on Twitter when I read some of the tweets and I encounter it when I read the news. The problem won't be finding stupid stories of the week, the problem will be in selecting only a few for consideration. Here are the one's I selected for this week.

Gold Award: A Fashion Trend That I Can Get Behind

Starbucks is teaming up with fashion designer Alexander Wang to celebrate its 40th anniversary in fine style. They've asked Wang to design a t-shirt with a fake coffee stain already on it. It would be too easy to point out how shallow a society has become when it feels the need to proudly display the trendy coffee it drinks by wearing it all over their shirts but I won't. I'm actually quite encouraged by this news. I don't drink Starbucks coffee but I do spill coffee on my shirts and now I'll be right in fashion. If nothing else it might get my wife to stop complaining about how sloppy I am.

Silver Award: Woman Places Ad Online For Drugs

A woman in New Mexico is facing charges after advertising that she was looking for marijuana on Craig's List. Police arrested the woman after posing as drug dealers when they responded to her ad. Because the ad was so blatant, police were concerned it might have been placed by undercover narcotics officers but there were no worries there. It was just a very stupid woman who failed to realize that the police aren't just armed, they're literate and can read too.

Bronze Award: The Amish Civil War

A breakaway sect of the Amish has declared war on traditional Amish by kidnapping them and shaving off their beards and cutting women's hair. While most civil wars involve killing and violence, the Amish civil war is all about appearance. It makes you wonder if the breakaway sect has become so modern, they use electric razors in the conflict.

4th Place: It's All About Donuts

The Occupy Toronto movement which is setting up a protest camp tomorrow, similar to the Occupy Wall Street camp, held a rally today at which their Food Committee passed around boxes of Tim Horton's donuts. It's nice to see that protests against corporate greed don't include those great Canadian institutions like Tim Horton's. Perhaps the protestors don't realize that Tim Horton's is part of a corporate congolmerate or perhaps Tim's is probably the one thing that the left and the right can agree on. It isn't much but it's a start.

5th Place: Man Finishes Marathon On Bus

Rob Sloan has admitted to cheating at the Kiedler Marathon on Sunday by jumping on a bus at the 20 mile mark and which he rode until just before the finish line. Mr.Sloan finished 3rd in the marathon after his extended bus ride which makes you wonder if he might have placed higher had he taken a taxi. The good news is that we won't have to tell Mr. Sloan to get on the bus....he already is (refer to Sept post: Get On The Bus)

6th Place: When It Doesn't Pay To Look Too Young
A 39-year old mother stopped at a lottery kiosk at a mall in Ottawa this week to purchase a lottery ticket. The ticket seller refused to sell the woman a ticket on the basis that she looked like a minor. The woman offered to show the ticket seller a photo ID which the ticket seller refused to look at. Instead she called mall security who advised the seller that the woman was in fact of legal age. The seller then called the police who arrived at about the same time a fairly large crowd of bystanders had gathered. It was resolved by the customer being removed from the store with her photo ID but no ticket. It isn't just lottery ticket sellers who can be stupid, sometimes those in authority also experience a significant drop in IQ.

And there you have it. Some of the stupid things that have been going on around us this week. If you encounter stupidity in your coming week, feel free to let the Bear know. I'm always on the lookout for just how stupid people can be. If you don't feel comfortable leaving a comment, feel free to at least tell the stupid people you encounter to...Get On The Bus.

© 2011 Maggie's Bear
all rights reserved